i remember how your fingers felt
how dry they felt
how dry i felt
i remember the underwear
cotton white covered
in pretty blue flowers
pretty blue lining
a pretty blue girl

i remember how
i said no wait
thatreallyreally
hurts and i dont mean
to ruin the mood
but can you not
do that please im sorry

i wonder what those words
sounded like to you
if they sounded like fog
that would explain your fingers
fingers pumping in and
out and ow ow ow ow
ow ow please get out of my
home this is not
yoursyoursyours

you made whimpers out of me
an animal cornered and everytime
i think of you i feel 

small

he gutted me like a fish
and now he gets to be happy

and so the ship keeps sinking

no boy has ever
or ever will
mean enough to
hurt you

you
are all metal and lightning
youve experienced the tsunamis
tornados
forest fires of existence

a boy who trips over a hill

he is nothing

smoke until your lungs fill
with everything wrong with the world
with the sobs you hold backback
every trace of their fingertips

exhale exhale exhale
you are free

you were a candlelight in a room of darkness and though your flame has long since died and the wax is melted and settled into the cracks your warmth saved me and for that i say thank you

keep trying to make you a memory but i always end up making art instead

i love you like a memory what we once were we can never be again but it was beautiful while it lasted and it will stay with me forever

a girl born on a loop of your fault her fault his fault from the land of smashed bottles that smell like bud light and pancakes that say im sorry the next morning a land of of burnt the turkey because vodka tasted just like forgetting or forgot the Christmas tree again forgot her at school again forgot we were married again forgot we were a family again

love should not
feel like a cage

it should
feel like
the wind

helping you soar.

you spent your life
looking
for a puzzle piece
girl

a girl made of
cardboard
and clay

one you could
force fit
into your shape

of perfect
of happy
of whole

and when they
could not
did not
forgot to

away they went

and again you searched.

god created ghosts
out of us

we were born
outsiders

tongue knotted like
old rope
he told me
life is wasted
on the
miserable
and
breathing

i gave you words
made of
matchsticks and
lighter fluid

boys make
smokescreens
out of ashtray girls

ive kissed boys
made of stone

lips sharp
hungry
looking for
girls
made of
peas
and small
shoes to

turn them
Human.

how stupid was I
to give you
the parts of me
that were most
fragile

how often girls
must shatter
in your fingertips